This One’s For the Girls: What Riding Teaches Young Women
I’ve been thinking a lot recently about this sport and the lessons I’ve learned from it. Lessons I’ve learned from the horses. Lessons I’ve learned from being in the barn. Lessons I’ve learned from being at the horse show. Lessons I’ve learned from the people I met through horses. I credit a lot of who I am to these animals and to this sport. I credit the woman I am today in great part to my experiences in this space.
The thing is – it hasn’t been all rainbows and butterflies and ponies and blue ribbons. I never want to paint that picture. The reality is that this sport is a tough one. As much as it can add to our lives, it also has the possibility to take away, too. Countless hours, money, emotional energy, broken bones, and sometimes, broken dreams. But even so, through all the ups and downs, I’m still here. Willingly, I might add. Because the good outweighs the bad, and because this sport has done so much for me as a person and as a girl growing up. Horses ignited a passion inside of me. A desire to learn more, to work harder, to own my own successes and failures. They taught me the value of patience. The ups and downs of horse ownership and horse shows cultivated resilience within me. I’m grateful to have had my character shaped and developed in all these ways and more.
Horses were the vehicle for life lessons and the catalyst for character development. I developed my voice thanks in part to the confidence fostered by my countless hours at the stable. I developed independence in part due to the fact that as soon as I was old enough to drive, I was following the horse trailer to horse shows, staying in hotel rooms by myself, getting up and getting myself to the horse show on time, etc. I developed the ability to problem solve courtesy of difficult horses. I’ll always be grateful for these and the countless other lessons I learned because of my involvement with this sport.
Most of what I’m saying, though, isn’t new. Not that it’s not important to reiterate, but we’ve already seen this written by countless others. You see, the idea for this blog post popped in my head on International Women’s Day, as I started to think about how valuable this sport has been for my development as a young woman. And I began to list everything that I’ve gained from my time at the barn and in the saddle. What I kept coming back to, and what isn’t discussed as much, is this notion of the balance between grit and grace. As a young woman, I think this balance is something that our society unfortunately misses these days. I’m no expert on feminism by any means, so please don’t come after me with torches and pitch forks. But, I think in an effort to assert our power, we’ve lost sight of the importance of also possessing a degree of softness. It’s as if the pendulum has swung so far in the direction of strength that women sometimes don’t feel permitted to tap into a gentler side, too.
(Disclaimer: At the risk of being cancelled, I’m not saying that men can’t or don’t possess both of these qualities, too. I’m simply speaking from my experience as a woman and as an equestrian.)
The thing with softness is that it isn’t weakness. It’s strategic. It’s a quiet confidence. It’s knowing how and when to pick and choose your battles. It’s an embodiment of the old adage “you catch more bees with honey than you do with vinegar.” Being tactful doesn’t mean you aren’t also capable of being strong – it’s simple knowing when to use that strength versus when to employ other methods. As a woman who has grown up in an era of female empowerment – which I’m all for – what I’ve seen it this: While we’ve been so busy reminding everyone that we’re strong too, we have forgotten that there is value in balancing that strength with finesse.
What’s interesting about riding horses though is that both strength and tact are required in order to get anywhere. Sometimes, you have to dig in and get the job done. That’s where the grit comes in. Other times, you get further with a little finesse. That’s grace. The beauty with this sport is that it leaves room for both and they don’t have to be mutually exclusive. There’s a time to be soft and a time to be strong, and sometimes, the two working in concert bring about the best results. It’s a great reminder in a world where young women are being encouraged to own their power – which is so important, but isn’t necessarily the full picture. This sport gives girls permission to embrace their strength, both physical and mental, but also empowers them to retain a degree of softness from which women are sometimes discouraged in society today.
It’s one of the reasons I’m so passionate about this sport. As I mentioned before – it’s a tough one. And one that requires a lot more resources than your typical soccer or piano lessons. But the way it empowers young women, the lessons it imparts, the lasting impact it creates are second to none. And that, my friends, is generation after generation, what keeps us coming back for more.
